In my freshman year of college I was placed in one of the newest dorms on campus, and I was ecstatic to say the least. I enjoyed my single, the air conditioning, and the tv rooms an adjoint kitchen. I felt a sense of pride when telling people that I lived in the dorm that I lived in. That sense of pride was short lived once I figured out why I lived there.
My dorm and the other one like it where filled with legacies, students of parents who graduated from the university. These students were also mostly of a high socioeconomic background and white. I also realized that the reason that I was placed in my dorm was to try to make it seem the university was not giving rich white students special treatment, so they added a few black people in the dorm so they could prove that this conclusion was invalid.
Though there were still people of high socio-economic status not living in the dorm, there was overall a trend. The school claims that housing is randomized but it is clear that the richer you are the better treatment you going to receive and that will always be a fact.
Unfortunately, I am not rich or white. I am a black woman. It was made clear that I was seen as different in the dorm because nobody there acknowledged my presence. Instead they looked away, down, or through me to avoid eye contact. Only 4 people there said hi to me or acknowledged my existence. I was invisible essentially. I then cam to think about something I read in high school, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. I never felt less than a person than when I moved into this dorm and suddenly I understood when Invisible Man felt like.
February came and I decided that it was time for me stand out even more than I already had. I wrote racial charged statement on my white board and posted it on my board. Everything I wrote was about being black in America or being colored and disadvantaged. Below are the most controversial posts I wrote. If you’re reading them, and saying these are not even controversial at all, tell me why. If you’re reading them a feel offended, tell me why.
The people in my dorm felt offended. They were so offended that they decided to report me to the RA and erase the content on my board, twice. So I gave them sticky notes to voice their opinion and nothing. I sent up a time and room to have a raw, non-facilitated conversation and they decided to occupy every room on my floor instead. When I had it in the hallway with my friends instead, they decided to listen in from inside of their doors. Later that night, they felt like they had things to say though. They had a loud conversation about what I spoke about in my conversation. I couldn’t hear much but I heard, “radical black person” and “if you are in the bottom of the food chain…” They were being cowardly and had conversations with people that only affirmed their points.
That same week I received an email from the dean of my dorm saying that she would like to meet with me. Initially I felt like this would be a conversation to silence me because historically if there is a minority being harassed by the majority, the minority will be the one removed. This was always the case. When two Muslim men speaking Arabic on a plane. They were removed from the plane because the people around them felt uncomfortable. Because we are a minority they will not advocate on our behalf because the majority, even if they are wrong, will always be right.
This entire situation made me feel on edge. I always felt like I needed to correct people and let them know when their perception on race is skewed. I feel like I need to be the voice for black people. I feel like I am pressured to act certain way or not act a certain way to affirm a stereotype. It’s too much pressure to be a black woman in a white place. If you defend yourself, you’re an angry black person and if you don’t you’re people have the incorrect perception of an entire race.
